A day in the life of me

So, I just remembered that I had this blog because I had to make a new one for my web design class...so im gonna write here again...not that anyone reads it ha...but i dont care...

I never thought I'd feel this way
My life not making sense
The whole world masked in shades of gray
Looking through a cracked lens

Waking up to find things disappeared
Nothing as I once knew
This other place worse than I feared
I hope I get out soon

Theres a hurt inside I cannot hide
Nothing makes it go away
My old life on the other side
Laughing at what I say

I know I'll never get it back
I don't know what to do
My heart is missing what it lacks
Its been recolored blue

Being strangled by the pain
There is a bit of hope
I'm scared it'll never set it free
And I will never cope

A nightmare has become my life
Unable to wake up
I find myself holding a knife
And no one hears me scream

The people around cannot see
Or they just don't care
You don't know what you do to me
A pain I wish to share

I feel my body giving out
Unable to withstand
The time will come when it will shout
I'll die without a hand

I feel I try my very best
To cover up the pain
I hope one day it really works
And I can become sane

The winter break countdown has begun! In exactly 13 days I will be back in my beloved palo alto with my family and my animals :-) I'm so excited to get out of the cold and the rain and be back in the very best state. And I am fortunate enough to not have to come back to this silly state for EIGHT months!! and i am very very happy about this....winter break, how i wait for you...

"I will survive without you

If you wanna leave
I won't beg you to stay
And if you gotta go, darling
Maybe it's better that way

I'm gonna be strong
I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
(And walk out that door
See if I care
Go on and go)
But...

Don't turn around
'cause you're gonna see my heart breakin'
Don't turn around
I don't want you seein' me cry
Just walk away
It's tearin' me apart that you're leavin'
I'm lettin' you go
But I won't let you know
I wont let you know

I won't miss your arms around me
Holdin' me tight (holdin' me tight)
And if you ever think about me
Just know that I'll be alright
(I'll be alright)

I'm gonna be strong
I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
(I know I'll survive
I'll make it through
I'll even learn to live without you)


I wish I could scream out loud that I love you
I wish I could say to you "don't go"
As he walks away, he feels the pain gettin' strong
People in your life, they don't know what's going on
Too proud to turn around, he's gone

Don't turn around
'cause you're gonna see my heart breakin'
Don't turn around
I don't want you seein' me cry
Just walk away
It's tearin' me apart that you're leavin'
I'm lettin' you go
But I won't let you know
I wont let you know"

For some reason I am incredibly excited that I have an interview at Borders next week!!!! Party dowtown! They better want me case I have loads of experience in customer service related jobs now, and with cash registers...so ill be sad...
Also, random..
RDG this weekend!!! its gonna be really awesome and im super duper excited :-)
its fun being a choreogrpher for it cause you feel all important...we have our own 2 eight counts in the finale and everything ;-)
yup, its gonna be good

We were in the computer lab in comp sci today and we were working on this project. I finished the whole thing in the first twenty minutes of class when it was meant to take the whole period...i was feeling pretty good about myself ;-) Then my computer science teacher walks by and says "Have you thought about taking 261? (which is the next comp sci class)"
"yea actaully" I answer.
"Oh," he said "I thought youd put up more of a fight."
Then I just smiled for a long time. It must mean something when your computer science teacher is willing to argue with you about the fact that you should take the next class. I must be doing something right :-)
Also, the only other time this has happened to me was in statistics last year...so I guess math and computers really is what I should be doing...good thing I declared the right thing! ;-)

I am amazed at the fact that stores think they can put up chirstmas merchandise and play nothing but chirstmas music starting NOVEMBER FIRST! Seriously, cant they wait until thanksgiving??...Chirstmas is definitely not as fun if you've been exposed to it for almost two months....not ok...

I've discovered that I really like this whole blogging thing...whether anyone decides to read it or not...its a good place to get thoughts out of my head...I was always horrible with keeping up with journals...plus I have awful handwriting...so, in a nutshell, I am starting to get very excited about this new found phase in my life and i'd like to share it with all of you :-) College really should be a time of self discovery and all that stuff they always tell you and I haven't been doing much of that. But starting now I'm going to be much better about it. Because if it takes you your whole life to find yourself, then you won't have any time to be your newly found self.

Go find yourselves! :-P

So, I recently went through a pretty hard breakup...the worst one I've ever been through. But just today I came to a realization. The first guy I ever dated, I didnt really like that much. And every boyfriend after him was significantly better. So far the graph of my love life is a positive line at a 45 degree angle. The guy that I recently broke up with was pretty great at times and he really meant a lot to me. But my realization was if this graph continues as it has for the past five years, then the next guy I date will have to be significantly better than my ex, meaning he is going to be FUCKING AMAZING! I suddenly got extremely excited to someday meet that magical fifth guy who just might be the guy I spend my whole life with.

Wherever you are, I cant wait to meet you ;-)

I think the whole idea of college is very strange. Especially for those of us who have no idea what we're doing with our lives...I mean like you spend four years in high school trying (or not trying depending) really hard to get into the college of your dreams...that is what you work towards for FOUR years for your life. Then when you finally get to college its kinda like...ok...what now? If you have other goals after college then you work hard to acheieve them...but if you don't? Then maybe you're like me and spend your time fumbling around not really sure what your doing. I mean college is just so weird to me. You move away from your family and friend to a place where you've probably never been to live with people you've probably never met. Then you spend the next four years presumably working your butt off...then you leave...Its kinda like...uh...why did i go through all that? I guess I just don't always understand the point of college. Like I know it helps you get a better job and all that jazz...but the whole thing seems a little weird to me....